On saying yes without asking questions
On Friday night last week, my 5 year old asked me to help him with something; I wanted to say yes.. feeling that often parenting can feel like endless no's. I said yes. I didn't query with him what he needed assistance with.
He lead me to his room and asked me to help him move all the stickers from one part of the wall.. to another part of the wall about 2m away. My eyebrows raised, and I felt the no's and all the ways I could convince him to not undertake this task rise in my throat but instead, we moved every sticker and drawing; together.
I was on pull the stuff off duty and he was on placing them exactly where they were meant to go duty. How he concentrated and thought about where each one would be placed. He grouped them by type and character, he was so grateful and thanked me so many times. Thank you Mama, thank you Mama.
He had added to this collection of drawings, pictures and stickers over many months, on the surface to me they seemed like such a random collection of somewhat forgettable things. But as I passed him each one, some as small as my pinky nail he recalled what they were and when they were from, why he liked them as he placed them in their new pride of place.
In my life I have thought about all of the ways that I thought I would spend a Friday night, this was not one of them.
I had moments where I thought of all the other things I should or could be doing instead and I also had moments where I was so very glad I said yes, that I was watching my sweet kid toil away with such happiness, intent and peace. I had moments where I thought, there's nowhere I would rather be. We had a task, it was both simple and unnecessary but it was satisfying and when we were done, everyone was a little happier and a little more connected than when we started.
As a mother and parent, I have done so many things I thought I would never do. I have spent time, energy and money on things I never thought I would. Stickers on walls was DEFINITELY one of them.
As a person in a pre(mum)vious life who thrived on knowing exactly what was happening when, always busy doing things and always trying to control as much of my world as I could this seemingly innocuous story as I recount it speaks to me of all the big and little ways motherhood has changed and challenged me.
Being a mum, for me, is a daily unravelling into collecting myself then an evolution into a fall from grace into a beautiful high to a low ebb and so it goes. It's rules I have made and then broken, plans we've had then changed, it's approaches tried, failed and sometimes hitting the spot, it's learning to be flexible and to surrender, it's learning to be wrong and sometimes being right but knowing relationships matter more than being right.
But most of all it is learning that I am learning. Always learning. Learning about myself. My partner and all the people I know and love. Learning about who my children are. And I think that when I say yes, I learn more. A little encouragement perhaps when you have the inclination and capacity next that you might say an instant yes, no questions asked and see what happens.
